Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
