did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
