im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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