so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
