Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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