Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
