she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
