ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
