do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
