the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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