New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
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I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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