My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
