Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
