I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
