they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
