There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Randomize
