I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
