There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
