he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
