I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
