was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
