If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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