She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
