just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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