I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
