it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I bet he comes in French.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
