so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
