I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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