When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
