I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Randomize
