remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
