nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
