I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
