It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
