You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She made me pour olive oil on her.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
