How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
