Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
