i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
how drunk are you?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list