I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
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Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
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I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.