How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
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I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight