ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You have to summon your inner elephant
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings