saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
