His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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