I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
