Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
