my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
