i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
