Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
