My hand turned me down
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
