I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
