I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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