you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i think my cat just said my name.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
