My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize