i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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