It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
