Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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