his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
