The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
