Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
