Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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