I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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