And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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