I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
