I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
