How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
