Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
