turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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