found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
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why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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