dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
