Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
