Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I wear drunk well.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
