I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
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I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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