It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
