John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
