Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
