I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
