youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
