PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
