I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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