My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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