What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
