my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
