Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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