You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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