HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
