And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
