maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
