Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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